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 * 10 Ways to Get a Boyfriend or Girlfriend**

There’s a reason that people the world over call love a game. There are definite rules and regulations to dating just as there are to any sporting event, yet many people ignore these simple guidelines and find themselves wondering why they don’t have a date another Friday night in a row. If you, too, find yourself warming the bench instead of going for the goal, this article is for you! The rules of dating are surprisingly simple. If you follow these 10 easy rules to going out, dating, and meeting someone new, you’ll be the MVP in no time. What do you have to lose?

**Be yourself. . . To an extent**. No one wants to be in a relationship with someone who doesn’t like him or her for who they are. When you meet someone, and you feel like they aren’t interested in what you have to offer, move on and stop wasting time with that jerk so you can meet someone who is. It is impossible for someone to love you for who you are if you don’t show them who you really are. You also cannot expect someone to love you if //you// don’t love you. Confidence, above any other physical or character trait, is sexy. That being said, don’t push it to the limits. While you do want the other person to like you for what makes you special and unique, there are some things you may want to keep under cover until you’ve gotten more comfortable with the person, especially when it comes to very personal information. Don’t hold onto a bombshell; if you have a child, for instance, feel free to let the other person know about your son or daughter as soon as possible (kids can be a deal breaker for some), but hold of on introducing them right away. Likewise for extreme habits. If you cannot go a day without gaming, that is definitely something a potential partner needs to know, but you should also try to spend more time getting to know the person than on leveling up.

**Stop trying so hard**. Haven’t you heard the phrase, “You never find it if you’re looking for it”? If you want a boyfriend or girlfriend, not just a random hookup, stop going to the meat markets at the bar. How many people do you know that met the love of their life at the bar? Besides, scrounging for dates at your local watering hole can come off as desperate, which is a huge turnoff. Instead, do activities that you enjoy. Like working out? Join a zumba or yoga class at the gym to meet like-minded fitness buffs. Enjoy reading? Check out some local bookstores for book signings/readings of your favorite authors, or go to an open mic poetry night. Like music? Attend live performances of music genres that you like at local venues. The more you put yourself out there, the more likely you are to meet someone that shares your interests. Most important, there is absolutely no shame in meeting someone on the Internet, as long as you’re being safe about it. Go through a reputable site that vets potential dates for you; first, you’re likely to have key values in common, and second, dating services can eliminate individuals who may not be what they seem.

**Don’t be afraid of rejection**. Just as you can try too hard, you can also not try hard enough! In order to meet someone to date, you have to approach them, first! You can’t always expect the other person to make the move, so you had better get used to interacting with strangers. No matter your gender or sexual preference, anyone you’re pursuing will probably be flattered if you genuinely approach him or her. Skip the pickup line and just compliment them, ask a question, or make a noncommittal introductory comment about the situation, like, “Have you seen this (insert band/movie/art exhibit here) before?” or “I read that (insert book/newspaper/blog here) you’re perusing. If you like (insert reading material of similar genre here), then you’ll love it!” First impressions are key, and making the first move if you’re genuine and sincere, shows confidence.

**Know when (and when not) to ditch the wingman/pivot**. Your friends can be your greatest assets or your worst enemies when it comes to helping you score a date. A good wingman or pivot (the female wingman) can help you initiate a conversation, and talk you up a bit, with a potential date. A well-meaning but hapless friend, however, can commit any combination of three big faux pas. First, he or she can steal the spotlight from you, and wind up with the person you’re interested in (usually committed by a good-looking or very charming friend). Second, he or she can overstep some bounds and make you look even worse (usually committed by a devious, jealous friend, or “frenemy”). Finally, he or she can hang around too long after the initial introduction and make you seem codependent, which leads me to the other half of this point; once you have made contact and have started having a conversation of your own, let your wingman or pivot know it’s time to fade out, lest they ruin your chances with your new friend.

**Lay some groundwork**. This is very important if you see the person you’re interested in every day. You have the distinct advantage of easing into talking to the person. Likely, you’ve seen each other around, and both of you will feel more comfortable with a casual interaction, so you can afford to take it slow. Take the time to get to know each other, and break new ground with each interaction. Eventually, you’ll begin to find out what the other person likes. Then, present an opportunity to spend some time together outside of your regular meeting areas, like getting coffee or lunch. Another way to bridge into a date from your casual conversations is to ask that person for advice or help. My personal favorite? Ask them to fill in for a friend that’s cancelled on you to go to a concert/movie/sporting event, which lets them know in a noncommittal way that you’re interested.

**Mind your manners**. Assuming you’ve gotten past initial introductions and you’ve found yourself on a first date, manners are paramount. Nothing is more of a turnoff than being on a date with someone who is rude, bawdy, or sloppy! Men: open doors, pull out chairs, and wait for your date to order, first. Women: be gracious, and not overbearing if you offer to pay for dinner. If your date insists upon paying, then drop the issue, and foot the bill next time, otherwise there might not be a next time to pay for. Both of you: be kind to your server, use proper table etiquette, and most important, listen up! Put away the cell phone (or, here’s a novel idea… turn it off!). Make eye contact, ask questions, and take a genuine interest in what they have to say. It’s ok to forget certain details, but try to remember at least one or two small things about the person that you can surprise them with on a later occasion; trust me, they will be intensely flattered.

**Save the drama for your mama**. It is human nature to love to commiserate, and sarcasm is a great form of humor, but use it sparingly on a first meeting/date. As you get more comfortable with the person, you can determine his or her sense of humor and joke around accordingly, but it’s better to build up to it than risk offending someone right out of the gate. This goes for racist, sexist, classist, or any other form of discriminatory jokes, as well. You want to shed a positive light on yourself, so be positive! This means: no talking about your ex, and no putting down your friends or anyone in the room. All of these things make you seem self-absorbed, and well, bitchy. Even if you use self-deprecating humor as a showing of humility, it can come off as passive-aggressive under certain circumstances. A good plan is to focus on what you like and find common ground in your interests instead of focusing on what you hate.

**Go with the flow, but not too far out of your comfort zone**. Being flexible is extremely important in all relationships, both new and old, so in the beginning stages of a relationship, it is good to show the other person that you can roll with the punches, and that you won’t have a psychotic breakdown if things don’t go your way. That being said, don’t push yourself too far beyond your limits. You might want to make a good impression on someone, but if you’re compromising your health or your ideals, this is probably not going to work out in the long run. That tattoo might look super cool to your prospective boyfriend, but how about your prospective boss? And she might really like a date who sticks up for her, but is the potential bar fight in her honor //really// worth a spot on your permanent record or a broken bone?

**Play “hard to get,” but not too hard. . .** This is probably the most difficult of the guidelines, because it really depends the individual relationship, but these are some no-fail starting points. First, when you are in the initial phases of dating, less is more. It is great that you want to spend all of your time with your newfound love interest, but the more time you spend together, the more you walk the line of becoming “clingy.” “Clingy” is usually a more fatal quality for women in relationships, but men can also run the risk of being thus labeled. Some of the worst offenses include calling someone a pet name too soon, texting too much and for no reason, and ditching friends to be with your new boyfriend/girlfriend. You also, however, want to make sure that you are not sending the wrong signals, because playing //too// hard to get makes the person think you are disinterested. Finally, do NOT jump into sex if you are genuinely looking for a committed relationship. Sex, above anything else, complicates a relationship and usually means more for one partner than it does for the other, so you should at least have established some sort of understanding about where your relationship is going before you jump in the sack.

**Make sure you’re both ready for a relationship**. No matter how deep of a connection you make with a person, sometimes a relationship is not in the cards. If one or both of you have just gotten out of serious relationships, then you might be in more of a rebound situation, and not ready for a real commitment. Also, you need to consider why both of you are looking for someone in the first place. Sometimes, there are obvious signs to put on the brakes (e.g. a wedding ring), but other times, the warning signs are subtle. Do you want a boyfriend or girlfriend because you’re the last single person in your group of friends? Are you trying to make up for something you’re missing in yourself? Is the other person looking for the same things as you? Does it seem like you need to “help” or “fix” that person and //then// they’ll be perfect? If you answer yes to any of these questions, you might want to reconsider your relationship.