Express+and+Reflect

Expressive/Reflective Writing

I have always loved kids. Nearly every job I have held has involved working with kids in some way, which is why I readily accepted an opportunity that came to me a few summers ago.

My friend called to ask if I wanted to volunteer at a kid’s camp. It was not just a typical kid’s camp, it was a camp for children in the foster care system who had been abused or neglected. I immediately knew that I wanted to be involved.

We went through extensive training, read long manuals, and spent hours praying in order to prepare for the camp. There was so much to learn, but all the preparation would not fully prepare us for the actual experience we were going to have.

I remember the very first meeting that we had a few months before camp. A man stood up and told us the story of how he had had been severely tortured by his parents as a small child. The story was absolutely heart-wrenching and almost unbelievable, like scenes I had only seen in movies. Surely this could not happen in real life! I could feel the pressure of tears welling up in my eyes as he told the story of how he was rescued from extreme abuse, sent to multiple group homes due to his trouble-making, and was eventually placed in a home with a loving family. The family had even found and adopted his sister, who, years ago, had tried to take care of him by sneaking food to him under the closet door that he was locked in for almost twenty-four hours a day. He told us how he had tested his new family by behaving horribly, but was surprised when the family continued to love and care for him. At the end of the story, the man shared that the family’s love finally broke down his walls and his life was forever changed. He went on to become a pastor and had a family of his own. His story was inspiring. I never knew the reality of how many children are enduring abuse today. It was shocking. I felt almost paralyzed.

I was anxious to meet other kids who, like him, were full of potential but lacking some basic needs and care. A few months later, the first day of camp arrived. I was placed in a cabin with two other leaders and six kids. The kids arrived, some bursting with excitement and others feeling nervous and unsure. Throughout the training, we had been told that some kids would misbehave in order to test whether or not we really cared about them, since many of them had been passed from home to home. We were told that if we held strong to our commitment to show love to the kids, despite our frustration, their behavior would radically change. Sure enough, we were faced with some strong personalities and challenges, but we remembered what we were told and tried to stay patient.

There was a “store” that was set up with loads of free clothes, toiletries, shoes, toys, and other things that most of us take for granted. The kids were allowed to go to the store at certain times during the week and take whatever they wanted. One little girl chose a few items and then timidly asked the store volunteer, “what do I have to do to get these?” She was a girl who had been sexually abused, and she could not comprehend the idea of getting something without being forced to give something.

I became especially close with one of the girls in my cabin. One day, she looked at me and begged, “will you please adopt me? please! please! please!” I almost choked as I tried to tell her that although I would love to be able to adopt her, I was far too young. I will never forget that moment. I could see how desperate she was to have a family that loved her. I felt so helpless.

Over the course of the week, I met more kids and we created many memories. Just as we had been told, there were noticeable changes in most of the kids by the time the week was over. The ones who had come in with frowns and crossed arms were the ones who were laughing and hugging us by the end of the week. We could take no credit for this. It was clear that the Lord was working in their lives. One boy in particular spend the first two days completely shut off. He would not participate in any activities or engage in conversation. In the middle of the week, it was his group’s turn to go to the archery range. It was as though he had woken up from a long sleep. He was immediately filled with life as he hurried to take a turn. He had incredible skill. So incredible, in fact, that one of the trainers approached him and said that he was a natural. He offered to give him free lessons. What that child did not know was that this man was actually a professional trainer and trained some of the olympic level archers. This child lit up like we had never seen. This man’s encouragement and belief in the boy’s potential was exactly what he needed. He was a new boy and was actively involved in all activities for the rest of the week.

On the last day, we returned to the church that had sponsored the camp. We had a huge party with the kids as their parents or foster parents came to pick them up. One of the girls from my cabin was dreading the arrival of her father. She had just been placed back with her father and there were signs that things had been getting bad at home again, so I was worried for her to go with him. When he arrived, her face turned pale. She showed no expression a first, but I felt her clunging onto me tighter and tighter. During camp, this was a tough girl. I had not seen her show fear like this. She would not let go of my hand, and broke into uncontrollable tears as he carried her away. I could not bear it. I knew that she was no longer protected in a secure, loving environment, and she was only one of many who were in that same situation.

I cried for days after I returned home. I could not stop thinking about the kids and wishing that I could do something to help them. After coming back from this trip, I knew that I wanted to adopt someday. The statistics about these children were no longer just numbers, they were names and faces. They were children that I knew and loved. This dream continues to remain close to my heart. Though I still plan on having biological children, I hope to be able to extend love to a child, or maybe multiple children, who are in need of a family. People often say that troubled children are too hard to raise, that they are an inconvenience. It is difficult and I don’t believe that everyone must adopt. It is certainly not for everyone. There are many other ways in which people can help those who are unable to help themselves. I feel called to this particular area of life, and after seeing so many children changed by love, I know that it’s possible and it’s worth it.