AZaborowski+Survival+Guide

Ashley Zaborowski
 * ** How to Survive Working Under the Golden Arches ** ||

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If you are reading this survival guide you have successfully landed the coveted job of flipping burgers at McDonald’s. Having experience working for McDonald’s 3 years and counting, I have composed a guide for those who are about to start their first shift, or last shift working in a restaurant. You may take the advice in order, out of order. Read all of it or none at all. These are the rules and guide to survive working at McDonalds from a reliable source that could take some of her own advice some days.

-On your first day glue a smile to your face; otherwise management will label you as “unfriendly” and send you to cook in the extremely hot grill.

-Do not eat french fries out of the fry station. They look and smell delectable but will quickly add to your rear end and probably get you yelled at for eating in front of a customer…Gross.

-Arrive at least 10 minutes early for your shift; time goes by the McClocks inside McDonalds that seem to run at whatever time you are not.

-Simply insert the Mc- prefix in front of any word to make it McDonalds relatable. Ex: McStupid, McTable, McCoffee.

-Learn to read Military time, schedules are all done this way and can be confusing…14 O’clock?!

-Become acquainted with degreaser(special McDonald’s strength cleaning formula that will strip grease off of practically anything). It will be your best friend and torture device all the same.

-Do not expect a break unless you are a minor. If you do not expect it, you will not be saddened or shocked when 6 hours into your shift you cannot ask for a second to breathe.

-The uniforms are made to fit only if your pants are pulled up to your armpits and you have at least 1 inch of your ankle showing (see diagram) Word to the wise: always go up 2 sizes if you plan to wear your pants near your hips.

-Do not take your manager’s fridge keys home; they will make you drive all the way back to bring them to the store.

-Do not have or add any tattoo artwork to your forearms, face, neck or other places that cannot be covered. Tattoos are not allowed and McDonalds will make you wear long sleeves during all seasons to cover them.

-Black socks only; remember the 1 inch of ankle showing?

-Do not, and I repeat, do not watch when McDonalds cleans the grill hoods once a quarter. You will want to not only “toss-your-cookies” but the fries you ate earlier too.

-When the either all Mexican or all Albanian grill team yells profanities in half English and half (insert language here) simply smile even though you have no clue if that was 1. Insulting, and 2. Even a real word/language. No one messes with this modern day mafia hierarchy at McDonalds, Nobody.

-Do not date your co-workers, managers, or anyone you meet working at McDonalds.

-If you do ignore the above rule and fraternize with a higher up manager, keep it a secret. Otherwise one of you may end up fired, transferred, or made fun of for your McRomance.

<span style="font-family: "Verdana","sans-serif"; font-size: 16px;">-Just assume that your boss’ significant other works at, or has previously worked at, McDonalds. Just about 90% of people that work at McDonalds have dated or befriended another employee and usually end up having a McWedding.

<span style="font-family: "Verdana","sans-serif"; font-size: 16px;">Throughout my experience working in fast food I have come to understand the importance of a first impression as well as advice from McElders that have passed down their knowledge to me, as I now pass it along to you. By using these guidelines hopefully you will survive not only your first day of pure chaos and slave labor, but continue to follow, adjust, and create your own survival advice to pass down to that skinny new kid entering his first real job.